Personal power

It is important that everyone feels a strong sense of personal emotional power.  I don't refer to the kind of power associated with a Bond villain.  I refer to the kind of power that is associated with emotional security.  Emotional security is, in an ideal world, built up from birth.  Yet even the happiest of lives can include impacts upon ones sense of emotional security.  Personal loss, bullying in school, rejection and similar experiences can reduce people's power.

Bullying in particular has tremendous impacts upon people's sense of power.  Bullying happens in different contexts - school, the workplace and, of course, the home.  One type of bullying behaviour is generally described as domestic abuse or domestic violence.  The victims of domestic abuse have their sense of personal power damaged over time.  There are different types of abuser and there are different types of domestic abuse.  It also varies in it's severity.  However, regardless of the type, the abuser or the severity - the results for the victim is the much the same, their sense of power is severely damaged.  Obviously the worst kinds of abuse can lead to serious injury or even death.

Personal relationships that encompass domestic abuse must be escaped.  In theory, it's possible that an abusive person can receive help to alter their behaviours, however they must be open to this and the success of any programmes will depend on how well the abuser interacts with a programme.  For the most part though, victims of abuse must escape the abusive relationship.  There are services that provide support to victims https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-victims/ive-been-affected/domestic-abuse.  Where there is any immediate danger the police MUST ALWAYS be called.  Also, it is important to remember that all beings can be subjected to abuse - children, men, women and animals.  My focus in this post will be on adult victims.

We must always remember that there is no excuse for abusive behaviour.  Abusive people will seek to blame others and they will seek to blame the victim.  In fact abusive people will seek to blame anyone and anything rather than accept responsibly for their behaviour.

Sometimes abuse can be somewhat tricky to recognise, particularly if abuse takes psychological forms.  Yet whatever form abuse takes, it SHOULD NOT be accepted.  It is absolutely vital that victims of abuse escape their situation.  It should be noted that abuse is repeated behaviours. For example if someone calls you an unpleasant name, as a one off, although unpleasant, this would not, in itself mean you had been a victim of domestic abuse.  Never-the-less, if someone carries out an act of violence towards their partner, even if it seems to be a one off, it is important that victims do not wait until they are hit again.  The chances are, they will be hit again and it could be much worse next time.

The information below was taken from http://www.woodbridgedvrt.org/pages/fiveforms.html. It describes different types of domestic abuse / violence.

The Five Forms of Domestic Abuse

Physical

Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury
example: grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects, stabbing, shooting

Withholding access to resources necessary to maintain health example: medication, medical care, wheelchair, food or fluids, sleep, hygienic assistance Forcing alcohol or other drug use

Sexual

Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent
example: marital rape, acquaintance rape, forced sex after physical beating, attacks on the sexual parts of the body, forced prostitution, fondling, sodomy, sex with others

Attempting to undermine the victim' sexuality
example: treating him/her in a sexually derogatory manner, criticizing sexual performance and desirability, accusations of infidelity, withholding sex

Psychological

Instilling or attempting to instill fear
example: intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, victim, and/or others, threatening to harm and/or kidnap children, menacing, blackmail, harassment, destruction of pets and property, mind games, stalking

Isolating or attempting to isolate victim from friends, family, school, and/or work example:withholding access to phone and/or transportation, undermining victim's personal relationships, harassing others, constant "checking up,” constant accompaniment, use of unfounded accusations, forced imprisonment

Emotional

Undermining or attempting to undermine victim sense of worth
example: constant criticism, belittling victim's abilities and competency, name-calling, insults, put-downs, silent treatment, manipulating victim's feelings and emotions to induce guilt, subverting a partner's relationship with the children, repeatedly making and breaking promises

Economic

Making or attempting to make the victim financially dependent
example: maintaining total control over financial resources including victim's earned income or resources received through public assistance or social security, withholding money and/or access to money, forbidding attendance at school, forbidding employment, on-the-job harassment, requiring accountability and justification for all money spent, forced welfare fraud, withholding information about family running up bills for which the victim is responsible for payment 

Abusive people, generally speaking, do not listen to reason.  Victims of abuse cannot fix their abuser partner. Moreover, and this is most important to recognise - victims of abuse are not to blame for domestic abuse.  Although they may feel guilt, they are not responsible for someone else's behaviour.  Situations can exist where both partners are abusive.  In which case, both people are responsible for their behaviour.  Remaining in an abusive relationship is unhelpful and may be very dangerous.  Particular if children are involved.

Victims must escape their situation and they must find ways to reclaim their emotional power.  Counselling can be very helpful to victims of abuse.  People that have been subjected to abuse should utilise every type of support available to them.  This can include family, friends and professionals.  In the UK there are locally delivered programmes designed to help victims of abuse.  There also safe places to stay when victims have left their abusive partner.

Personal relationships should be emotionally nurturing and, on balance, both parties should feel emotionally supported.  Although it is worth noting that all relationships have their ups and downs.  And sometimes the down periods can last for quite some time.  It is also worth noting that most adults will argue with their partner at times.  Never-the-less, it is important to recognise that domestic abuse is not an argument.  Arguing will likely take place but people can argue without being abusive.  Usually, in arguments, people tend to stick the point they are making.  It is a disagreement.  A difference of opinion.  In normal arguments things do not become aggressive, threatening or nasty.  People in an argument do not feel frightened or victimised.

Crucially, we must always remember that domestic abuse is NEVER okay.  It is never acceptable.  There are no excuses.

Alongside the more general spiritual aims of this blog, I will aim to help victims of domestic abuse to reclaim their power and find a way back to being who they truly are.  

xx